PRESS RELEASE: Gnoah Takes Bull By Horns

WHITESBURG, KENTUCKY: The Contradiction Party held their National Convention in Whitesburg yesterday at the most recent stop on the Professional Bull Riding tour. Presidential Candidate Gnoah said, "I wanted to get in touch with the real American people, and there's no better way to do that than by riding on a bull for eight seconds and then taking thirty minutes to eat a nice juicy steak afterwards."

Read the rest of the press release and view photos

PRESS RELEASE: Gnoah Edited Out of Debates

It started out simple. It was a Presidential Primary debate, but no one expected that the strongest running candidate would be less than one foot tall. He came at the other with a volley of questions and retorts that stunned them all into silence. He turned on the news cameras that warned him to watch what he said. And in the end, the media went to commercial whenever it was Gnoah's turn to speak.

Read the rest of the press release

Gnoah Speaks To Press After Post-Christmas Shocker!

...But, Santa's true colors came out when our operative, who will only be known as "Keebler," found Santa's Naughty List. Within those pages were the names of people Santa would not be giving presents to, those he felt were not good little boys and girls. And in creating this list, Santa made it clear that he is an enemy of patriotism.

Read the rest of Gnoah's speech

Read Gnoah's speech at UCLA about a new terrorist threat while on the campaign trail.

Hello, and thank you for having me here at UCLA. As you know I am running for President in 2004, and while I am here to try to win your vote, I am also here in the name of Patriotism. Information has come to light that may save all of your lives, and I plan on sharing it with you.

Read the rest of Gnoah's speech

Read Gnoah's speech to the Troops in Iraq when he visited the front lines on April 3, 2003!

Hello, men and women of the armed forces.  You’ve been doing one hell of a job kicking these Habib’s back to the stone age, and you should be commended.  There’s nothing more American than destroying the societies of lesser beings.  You’ve brought great honor to yourselves and to your nation, and with each victory, you’ll bring oil and money to the U.S., and all you’ve had to do was kill, and some of you have had to die, but that’s American too.
Read the rest of Gnoah's speech