Gnoah Speaks At UCLA About Terrorist Threat!

Hello, and thank you for having me here at UCLA. As you know I am running for President in 2004, and while I am here to try to win your vote, I am also here in the name of Patriotism. Information has come to light that may save all of your lives, and I plan on sharing it with you.

A week ago, I was working on some speeches, eating lunch and half watching a film when I thought I heard a character in that film say something about wanting to kill someone who attended this very college, or at least, something that sounded very much like that. Intrigued, I decided to do some research. I struck gold. It appears that one of the key grips that worked on the film has a brother that is married to a woman who once worked as a hostess at a restaurant where Al-Queda operative might have had lunch once...maybe. With this vital information, I had to call in some consultants.

I immediately went to my lucky Magic 8 Ball and asked if terrorists planned an attack on UCLA. It replied, "Ask Again Later." Suspicious, I asked if it had been compromised by the enemy, and it said, "Yes." That Magic 8 Ball is presently being interrogated by the CIA. I then called one of my most valued advisors, my own personal 1-900 Psychic named Madame Zelda, and she warned my that a heavy moon hung over my planet. Hmmmmm, what was I to do, I thought? Well, my worst fears were confirmed when I had a friend do a tarot card reading with a pair of Britney Spears playing cards. Terrorists might one day attack UCLA or another college just like it...maybe.

I know the news I bring to you today is frightening, but we must not show any fear, otherwise they would win. Terrorists want to spread terror, and they use fear to do it because fear and terror are synonyms and synonoyms are words that mean something similiar and words that mean something similiar are confusing when they mean something slightly the same but kind of different, which is exactly their plan. To confuse and terrorize us. So, we must not falter! We must not bend our knees to their acts of terror which means fear which means we must not be afraid or terrified, or frightened, or any oter word that means the same thing! I urge all of you to stand up for your country by not being afraid! Don't be afraid to buy the plastic for your windows! Buy it with pride! Do not be afraid to carry a gas mask in public! Wear it with defiance. For we are Americans, and no one is allowed to use intimidation except the great ol' U S of A!

I am Gnoah, and I am running for President of this fine, unafraid country! Thank you.