PRESS RELEASE: GNOAH TAKES BULL BY HORNS

WHITESBURG, KENTUCKY: The Contradiction Party held their National Convention in Whitesburg yesterday at the most recent stop on the Professional Bull Riding tour. Presidential Candidate Gnoah said, "I wanted to get in touch with the real American people, and there's no better way to do that than by riding on a bull for eight seconds and then taking thirty minutes to eat a nice juicy steak afterwards."

Supporters came from all over the country to participate in what Gnoah called "a true American pasttime." Eager Contridiction Lobbyists stood in line for an hour to ride some of the fiercest bulls in the world. "When I gave Gnoah thousands of dollars to win the presidency, I never dreamed I'd get to ride a bull as a reward!"

Only one person was injured during the course of the evening, and that was former president Bill Clinton's daughter Chelsea, but that was because, in a drunken stupor, she slipped and fell off a table she was dancing on, and had nothing to do with her two second bull ride.

During the festivities, Gnoah kept the crowd going with loud rock n roll music and a barbeque, which served steak and fried chicken. Gnoah was quoted having said, "Strange, you'd think that you'd find the best fried chicken in Kentucky, but this sucks." The KFC vendor was unavailable for comment.

While Gnoah supporters were having a great time inside, outside the venue protesters kept a vigilant watch. "A lifetime of cruelty for eight seconds of entertainment," said one protester, who had traveled from New Jersey and had been following the Professional Bull Riders their entire tour. "All we want is for people to be aware of what these animals go through for this supposed sport."

When asked, Gnoah responded, "So what, so the bulls have rope tied around their testicles while being ridden so they jump around like crazy. To me, that sounds like every married man in America."

To that he shoveled in a hefty piece of steak, and asked, "What do you think are the chances that this was the one I was riding?"

In closing, Gnoah said, "I'm Gnoah and I'm running for President, and that ain't no bullshit!"

"What do you think are the chances
that this was the one I was riding?"