PRESS RELEASE: GNOAH EDITED OUT OF DEBATES

It started out simple. It was a Presidential Primary debate, but no one expected that the strongest running candidate would be less than one foot tall. He came at the other with a volley of questions and retorts that stunned them all into silence. He turned on the news cameras that warned him to watch what he said. And in the end, the media went to commercial whenever it was Gnoah's turn to speak.

Dean started with a statement about the environment. "My vision has been simple: we must protect the resources that sustain us. We do this not only to enjoy lakes and mountains, rivers and pastures, but also to provide our children and grandchildren with the resources that form the foundation of our democracy."

Then came Gnoah's response: "What the hell does that mean? We're talking about saving the planet from ourselves. We're talking about the fact that this planet may no longer be capable of supporting human and gnome life as we know it, and all you can say is that we all enjoy lakes and mountains? And what the fuck does that have to do with democracy? Our children will be lucky to be breathing clean air and drinking clean water, I don't think the resources that form the foundation of our democracy are going to factor into their lives when they're killing each other to survive." Gnoah turned to address the camera directly, and was informed that they had to cut to commercial.

When attention returned, again Dean was asked a question about women: "The fact is, women are equal in ability to their male counterparts, and they share similar goals, hopes and concerns. Unfortunately, it is also a fact that there remain significant challenges for women in achieving true equality in our society. As President, a cornerstone principle for me and my administration will be ensuring equal rights for all Americans — regardless of race, gender, income, sexual orientation or any other categorization that can be used to divide us."

Then Cheney stepped in: "We are only divided by our support of our President. We all know that terrorists are among us, and we must do whatever it takes to support President Bush in his campaign to rid the world of evil. You talk of sexual orientation, Dean. But that is evil! And we need a gap between rich and poor, it gives people something to strive for."

This is when Gnoah stepped in: "Is that what you tell yourself so you can sleep better at night? That the poor look up to you, that they want to be you? And you avoided answering anything about women at all. At least misguided Dean here answered the question. Homosexuals are evil? Where the hell did you get that? And don't think I'm leaving you out of this, Dean. Women don't share similar goals, hopes, and concerns, they share the same ones! Women are absolutely no different than men, save for biology. That's like saying that white men share similar goals with black men. It's all the same thing! You two talk about nothing in front of the cameras, and you expect to win the public over? What? What do you mean we went to another commercial? What the hell are you thinking? That no one will notice that I never get to say anything? Fuck this, I'm outta here."

And the rest continued as though Gnoah had never been there. We at BadTasteAdvertising.com feel that those who support Gnoah for President must stand up for their candidate and force the news media to give him his due.