THINGS THAT PISS ME OFF
(check back often for
updates)
Idiots That Can't Pronounce My Last Name
My last name (Capozzo) is pronounced "ka-POE-zoe." With that
said, I can understand if they say my name wrong after seeing it on
paper or whatever, but when they STILL can't get it right after I correct
them, they show just how much of a fucking brain dead bucket of guts
sewn up in a sack of skin they really are. I just got off the phone
with the cable company. She asked for my name, so I tell her, "Matt
Capozzo", then I spelled out my last name for her. What's the next
thing I hear? I hear, "Ok then, Mr. "ka-PAH-zio..." Unfortunately
for me but lucky for her I was too tired to tell her what a fucking
ignorant asswipe she is and that she should go to the store and buy
an ass plunger so she can pull her head out of it. I mean is "Capozzo"
really THAT hard to pronounce for anyone that has even 1/4 of a brain
in their fat head? And where the hell do they get the "zio"
part? If my name was Capozzio then yeah, but obviously there's no fucking
letter "I" in my last name. My guess is that these wastes
of life think that the "ozzo" part of my name is like OZ (like
wizard of Oz), then Z-O, where you actually spell out the last 2 letters
of my name, making ka-PAH-zio. Can these people be anymore fucking stupid?
That's like calling Mr. Johnson "Mr. Joans-O-N" How do people
get this stupid? I mean you'd expect them to be able to get it right
after hearing me fucking tell them my last name OUT LOUD, even if my
name was like Zajafghahfghgwagnwkbagp, but I should know better than
to give them that much credit Then there's the "kah-POO-zoe"
people. What part of "Capozzo" do you get POO out of other
than my asshole? If these dickheads would clean the shit out of their
ears and slap their mothers for smoking crack while she was pregnant
with them, they'd realize that POO requires 2 consecutive O's, not one!
Things like this only back up my belief that 99% of the world are complete
fucking morons whose parents should be shot for not having an abortion
when they had the chance.
Old People
Don't get me wrong, I don't hate old people for being old.
I actually like most old people, but I DO hate old people that don't
have a fucking clue what the hell is going on around them. How many
times have you been in the supermarket and there's some 130 year old
walking corpse standing there looking for just the right type of seasoning
or whatever with their cart behind them taking up the whole aisle? You
don't want to be rude so you just stand there expecting her to be like
"Oops, here let me move this out of your way.", but instead
you end up standing there for a fucking half hour while she reads the
recipes on the side of the box saying "Oh my grandson will like
this. He loves raisins!" I sometimes find it very difficult to
resist the urge to lean over and yell as loud as I can, "WILL YOU
GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY?!?!?!?!?!" in hopes of giving her a
heart attack, or at least getting her out of my way. Yes, I could always
go around the long way to the other side of the aisle, but fuck that.
It's not my fault she forgot to die 30 years ago and her family lets
her go out by herself. This isn't just limited to the grocery store,
oh no. I'm sure everyone has had the pleasure of dealing with these
fucks on the road too, among other places. I just love getting stuck
behind one of these assheads going 35 mph down the interstate. The only
good that comes out of this is the feeling of satisfaction when you
get in the other lane and blow past them and get to flip them off. Unfortunately
they're too brain dead to notice you flipping them off, but seeing them
hunched over the wheel and not being able to tell if they just died
five seconds ago is at least good for a chuckle. I swear sometimes I
think someone mounted a corpse at the wheel. And what the fuck is with
these gigantic goggle looking sunglasses they wear that cover like their
entire head? You know the ones I'm talking about....the ones that during
the 80's, people would be wearing in movies based on the future. I used
to think they were blind people glasses until I saw someone actually
driving with them on one day. If your eyes are the size of baseballs
I could understand, but come on now. These people make me want to form
a Dr. Kevorkian fan club.
Telemarketers
Everybody hates these assholes, and even though they're on
this list, I actually enjoy when a telemarketer calls, because they
are some of the most fun people on the planet to fuck with. Overall
they do piss me off and deserve a slot on this list, but I am creating
a list of the Top 10 Things to do when a telemarketer calls. Stay tuned
for that list which will be posted soon.
Fags
Now
don't get me wrong, I don't HATE gay people...I actually have a few
gay friends, but they're the kind that act like normal guys do and keep
their dick sucking behind closed doors. Now the ones that REALLY
piss me off are those flaming fags that carry around purses and wiggle
their ass when they walk like some wannabe hula dancer and dress up
in leather pants with the ass cheeks cut out. You know the kind
I'm talking about...the ones that want the whole world to know how much
dick they suck.
Since I also hate anything politically correct because it's just plain
stupid, I decided to combine two things that piss me off into one.
Wondering if I am the only person who feels this way, I decided to ask
around and get the opinions of others as well. The names have
been replaced to protect them from being anally invaded by an angry
mob of pillow biters:
-THE
QUESTION: How long before you think fags want in on being
politically correct and want to be referred to as heterosexually challenged
instead of gay?
TESTIMONIAL
#1
Q: How long before you think fags want in on being politically
correct and want to be referred to as heterosexually challenged instead
of gay?
XXXXX: rofl
XXXXX: fuck that
XXXXX: they are all butt loving homo fucks
TESTIMONIAL #2
Q: How long before you think fags want in on being politically correct
and want to be referred to as heterosexually challenged instead of gay?
XXXXX: ROFL
XXXXX: ROFL
XXXXX: about the same time as sluts wanna be called 'promiscuously disadvantaged'
TESTIMONIAL #3
Q: How long before you think fags want in on being politically correct
and want to be referred to as heterosexually challenged instead of gay?
XXXXX: dude I hope never
XXXXX: we need to get rid of them while we can
XXXXX: fucking fags
XXXXX: i'm such a homophobe
XXXXX: i tell people in public to knock it off
XXXXX: if I see two guys together
ME: haha
ME: just shoot them
XXXXX: haha
XXXXX: naw
XXXXX: i'm only an animal hunter
XXXXX: big game
XXXXX: I got a few bucks and a huge bull back in Montana
ME: yeah well you oughta expand that to
big game and big gay hunter
XXXXX: haha
XXXXX: rofl
XXXXX: i should
TESTIMONIAL #4
Q: How long before you think fags want in on being politically correct
and want to be referred to as heterosexually challenged instead of gay?
XXXXX: hahaha
XXXXX: more like Vaginally challenged
XXXXX: since that's what they really want
XXXXX: i dunno most gay people I know refer to themselves as fags, fairies,
and fruits
XXXXX: they think Bi people are weird
XXXXX: this one gay guy was like "Chris, you're a fag. Just admit it.
Honestly, you're the biggest fag I've ever met."
TESTIMONIAL #5
Q: How long before you think fags want in on being politically correct
and want to be referred to as heterosexually challenged instead of gay?
XXXXX: fuck that shit
XXXXX: they're fags
TESTIMONIAL #6
Q: How long before you think fags want in on being politically correct
and want to be referred to as heterosexually challenged instead of gay?
XXXXX: lol..they already do
ME: what do they want people to call them?
XXXXX: homosexual.. they want to just be "men" not gay men..just
men
ME: haha
ME: when they quit carrying purses around
and toss their dildo collection, then maybe they can be called "men"
but probably not
TESTIMONIAL #7
Q: How long before you think fags want in on being politically correct
and want to be referred to as heterosexually challenged instead of gay?
XXXXX: fuck i dont know, i am puttin my boots on now though
NOTE: For those that don't understand why he's putting on his
boots, please refer to the movie "Falling Down" and skip to the scene
in the Army Surplus Store.
TESTIMONIAL
#8
Q: How long before you think fags want in on being politically correct
and want to be referred to as heterosexually challenged instead of gay?
XXXXX:
it would be more like...
XXXXX: they will want all the straight people to be referred as homosexually
challenged
TESTIMONIAL
#9
XXXXX:
Fags are gay. Gay people love cock. Ted Knight hates gays.
I hope never. I am straight.
Email Matt with any comments at: mcapozzo@aol.com |
